Sex with friends
Summer is gone. And so this short summer chapter that taught me so many beautiful things worthy of over-sharing (as they shame me on social media 😂).
This chapter starts after five months of celibacy, I know for some such a brief time isn’t meant to be called celibacy but for me it was! I healed so much by keeping my strong sexual drive to myself, focusing on mothering, friendships and projects instead of dating and fucking. I reached a beautiful sacredness within my flesh and learned how to use my creative energy in many other directions.
But summer arrived and with it my desire to have intimacy with others. Swedish summer is intense, everyone is happy and horny, it’s bright all day so everyone is overflowed with energy, nature is stupidly beautiful with infinite shades of greens, flowers and perfect swimming lakes. Oh, and as soon as you start enjoying it, it disappears, gets cold and dark and you feel like dying again. So you better squeeze it!
I chose the only way one meets people in this city: Bumble/Tinder, went on some dates with girls/guys just to realized once again this is not my way. I hate the texting interaction and the whole planning thing, I do love meeting new people, but it just didn’t felt the right step at this moment.
Outside duality
The future is non-binary. The veils are falling and we are entering an era where this dual perspective is starting to disappear the world is realizing that there’s more beyond one or another. Gender is more than male or female, there is more than wrong or right, things are not only black or white.
Within relationships we’ve been taught that it’s either or, that if one has a partner one can’t be attracted by others, and if one has a friend one can’t have physical interactions.
This last year I’ve been having the intention to get out of every dual belief I have or at least start to question them. And the more open and real I am with myself, the more real and open the relationships around me are. So I’ve been making sure that I can be fully accepted of who I am and talk about anything with every flower in my garden (relationships).
Communication is lubrication
Going back to my summer tale, my hornyness made me start talking about sex with my friends more than usual and the conversations started going deeper. I was asking them about their experiences, what they liked, what they wanted to try, which were their best sexual affairs, what pleasure and consent meant for them, what their boundaries were, and so on.
I understood the importance of navigating these topics naturally and how little I’ve done it before having a sexual encounter.
Listening to their stories didn’t make me feel jealous, why would I? They were my friends! I was happy to get to know them deeper that and now I knew what they liked and were into!
Eventually those conversations leaded to some talks about the possibility of interacting with each other sexually and what boundaries could be so that we will keep on the same line.
With some it meant:
No kissing in the mouth.
No sleepovers.
Yes to sleepovers but in different beds.
No public affection.
Agreeing on sharing or not our thing with other friends.
It didn’t felt stiff, but more like everyone was a different plate, and also how that plate could be a dessert when getting into the sexual energy, but transform into an appetizer out of that sexual energy.
Sex is way much more than intercourse
Sex is like a spice, sex is an energy that can be put in any interaction. Sex can be caressing, dancing, breathing, with clothes or not.
Sex is being in full presence of the body, mind and soul, and being connected with whether something feels right or not and then being safe to communicate it.
Sex is a dance of responsibilities within this interactions, to be receptive towards the energy of the other, hold it and care about it.
It was so satisfying to undress the layers of shame around sex and sexuality, and to share this with a friend that you can see the next day and not feel awkward at all.
Relationship anarchy
Within this new level of intimacy I started questioning the relationship hierarchy we are meant to believe, were our couple or partner is meant to be the number one and the rest go to another level. I wanted all my relationships to be on the same level, I wanted to take care of them the same way.
The more mature I get the more I’m getting rid of that idea of “the one”.
I believe one can have many “ones”, one that you enjoy talking more, one that you enjoy fucking more, one that brings all the adventure you need, one that brings all the connection and closeness you need, that’s why we don’t have only one friend but many.
Hello autumn, hello contradictions
New season, new contradictions!
What would we be without our contradictions? I used to see them as two oposite forces pulling me in different directions, now I see them as one, not black, not white, but grey. Again, no more duality.
I’ve been working on many inner contradictions lately, for example:
I want a stable job to have stability, but I also want freedom to do the things that connect me with my purpose and rest time. I want freedom to connect with many, but I don’t want to be a floating leaf in the air, I want to be a solid tree with grounded roots and beautiful fruits.
Within the duality spectrum we are told that its either or, that we can’t have it all, so I started to find more freelance jobs that could be stable but connected to my purpose, and made some arrangements in my relationships, some flowers needed to be cut, some others stay but in a different way.
I do believe all relationships are important, but I also believe some connections take a more meaningful place in your life, that it's ok to prioritize persons in certain times. So I found many contradictions to that relationship anarchy, cause I believe is healthy having those levels or closeness with some.
And well, sometimes you’re on the same page with some and sometimes you’re not. Some relationships are meant to stay very close to you during time and some flow in different directions and intensities.
An oversharing conclusion:
I am polyamorous but my pussy is monogamous.
Feelings, feelings, what a cliché.
Falling in love with someone changes the whole perspective and contradicts many things I believe, specially when you are not on the same page.
I started writing this post in the full bloom of my summer sexy time, with the intention of this becoming a kind of manifesto of relationship liberation, but it took me somewhere else, somewhere that feels authentic and real, and I feel whole, alone but whole.
:)
Ea